Fear that your child won’t love you if you set limits on him is something many parents have a hard time with, especially when their child is old enough to say, “I don’t love you—I hate you!” But, again, if you give that behavior power, it’s not going to change. When the angry parent says/does things to turn the child away from the parent things become complicated. The Divorce Coach Says. They, are left to manage their fear and hurt on their own and to make sense of the situation through the eyes of a child. Fear comes with us as a survival mechanism, to keep us alive. This surprised us, given that we polled the parents of relatively young children. For example, clinical psychologists Seth Meyers and Preston Ni explain how the actions of the parents can ruin the lives of their children. People With Unresolved Parent-Child Conflict. What a child learns or experiences in their early years is known to leave a lasting impression on them. Living things fear what is physically bigger and appear more powerful than them. This was the top fear of the parents in our survey. I won't argue why children "should" or "shouldn't" fear their parents. Interestingly, children of similar ages tend to share similar types of fears. The girls are scared to. The child, due to loyalty to both parents and typically fear of the angry parent… Here is … A child's demeanor is also a reflection of how they've been treated by their parents. The Fear: I'm afraid my child won't get the education and opportunities she needs to reach her potential. When your child is afraid -- whether at age 5 or 15 -- remember to approach the fears with respect. Not only are they being frightened and hurt but the parent, upon whom they rely for comfort and regulation is lost to them, at least temporarily, as a source of solace and support. Some people experience conflicts with parents early in life that carry over through the years. What do you do in a situation like this? As a child matures, old fears are overcome, and new fears arise to take their place. Know what your possible courses of action are – there’s civil action and there’s action through your state’s child protection services. Psychologists and child behavior specialists can help us tell the difference between ungrateful children from those who have been victims of a toxic influence. Chansky suggests following these basic guidelines: Don't try to talk your child out of being afraid. Some level of conflict is a given component of all relationships. Parents are a child's first teachers in life. Fear-based parenting comes in various shades, depending partly on the types of fears most prominent in the parents’ minds and partly on the parents’ personalities and economic means. Facing the death of a parent with whom you have a contentious relationship can weigh heavy on your heart. A child's attitude, views, goals, and perspective depend on what he or she learns from their parents. Be realistic about child custody battles. Whether a child is two, twelve or sixteen years old, it would be unusual for him or her to be "fear-free." Those with parents can be particularly trying -- especially as an adolescent.